1. There’s an HR lesson here (bare with me).As a teenager I was both extremely quiet and shy… 1 and for the first fifteen or so years of my life neither of these behaviors was a problem for me. I was 2. This isn’t entirely true. I was a very social teen, but I interacted via message boards and chat rooms as opposed to public forums.interested in neither talking nor socializing 2, and teacher requests that I “speak up” and “get involved” were met with polite smiles and nods before returning to my books.
Around my sophomore year of high school, however, I became enamored with a young woman who was both quite popular and attractive. She also had no idea that I existed.
My shyness and quiet nature had for the first time in my life become a barrier to something I wanted (in this case a date with a pretty, popular girl).
I decided to solve this problem the same way I’d addressed every challenge in my life to that point – by consulting the internet. My experience in life to that point had taught me that there was nothing one couldn’t learn to do from reading the right literature provided they simply had time and patience.
I spent several weeks figuring out how to win the heart of my crush. I did so by researching the, well, I suppose you could call it “best practice” around how to be attractive to women. Terms like “social proof“, “eliciting values“, “demonstrating value“, and “kino“, became a part of my regular vocabulary.
At the end of my “studies” I felt reasonably prepared to turn around my mostly non-existent social reputation (and earn the affections of the young woman I liked).
This is getting a little long already, so I won’t get into the details of how my “learn to be a popular Don Juan by reading a book” strategy went over (not 3. To any guys struggling to get dates; here’s a pro tip from a guy who went from being very socially awkward to reasonably good in social situations (with women and in professional settings): You don’t need to become a pick up artist, just listen to your mother – she had it right when she said “be yourself”. If you’re comfortable in your own skin, have a clearly defined set of values, and put yourself out there then you will attract women that are a good match for you, personally. With that said, if you’re doing all of these things and don’t like who you’re attracting then you should look at your values.very well) 3, but I did learn something important from my soiree into the pick up artist community:
Peacocking (attracting attention to oneself via self promotion for the purpose of some personal gain) is a wholly ineffective means of obtaining anything meaningful if there is a lack of value behind the veil.
Ultimately, you’ve got to have substance.
In today’s age of “Personal Branding“, it’s gotten very easy (and common) for people to market themselves and their accomplishments via various social media channels. Lost in this process, however, is the acknowledgement that outside of a few select industries (ex. consulting or cinema) and jobs (like outside sales roles), being well known for something isn’t in and of itself compensable.
Most people focused on personal branding invest their time and resources into cultivating that brand with the thinking being that there will eventually be an underlying payoff. The thing is… while it may be true that a strong personal brand can bring wanted attention one’s way (as peacocking often does), if one doesn’t have accomplishments to boot then attention is all one will get.
The most valuable thing you can do for your personal brand is be a high performer. I’ve said before that if you possess a valuable skill set and understand its market worth then someone will pay you for it. Self 4. I know I’m guilty of it.promotion is fine 4, but never lose sight of the fact that the most valuable part of your personal brand is the actual knowledge you possess and work that you do.
Every meaningful job (and date) I’ve ever gotten has been because of the value I bring to the table.
A pretty wrapper and bow never hurts, but employers aren’t buying the box. Remember that.
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